


Kind of a Bad Time to Talk

by ChocolateKid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (very) Light Angst, Angry Castiel, Apologies, Cas needs to help him, Confusion, Cute, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean is an Idiot, Dean's hunting alone, Fluff, Guilty Dean, Happy Ending, Hurt Castiel, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Requited Love, Vampires, as always, but he fixes it, but luckily, he has castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 02:06:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9268910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolateKid/pseuds/ChocolateKid
Summary: Dean calls Cas to help him with a vampire nest. All Cas seems to want to do, though, is talk.But is now really the time to fight about what happened last week?





	

**Author's Note:**

> One of my personal favorites, I hope you like it as much as I do!

**Dean's** **POV**

_Cas,_ _buddy,_ _I_ _might_ _need_ _some_ _help_ _here_ ,I prayed silently while chopping off a vampire's head. This had been a horrible idea to begin with but to be honest, I hadn't expected that many vampires to be in this supposedly small nest. I wouldn't be able to kill all of them on my own... Even though I'd managed to do a damn good job until now.

Still, I needed backup, and fast.

There was the familiar flapping of wings and moments later, Cas was standing right next to me. He reached out with his hand and grabbed one of the vampires by the head, making their eyes burn out with a pain-filled scream, and their lifeless body fell to the floor with a thump.

"You can kill vampires like that?" I asked distractedly. I thought the only way to kill them was to cut their heads off. But then again, Cas was an angel, so I supposed it was no big deal.

"I can kill almost anything," Cas said and his deep voice sent a pleasant shudder down my spine. I ignored the weird reaction I always had to his voice and turned back to face the woman heading my direction, looking at me with predatory eyes.

"Some other night, sweetie," I grumbled and swung my knife at her. Her head hit the floor a second before her body did.

"Where's Sam?" Cas asked after another one of those monsters came to rest at his feet. "Why are you alone?"

"We had an argument," I muttered, not wanting to talk about it any further. "And I wanted to blow off some steam, so here I am."

Cas snorted in disbelief. "So you decided to walk into a vampire nest. Completely on your own. Typical," he grumbled, clearly in a bad mood.

Yep, he was definitely still pissed about last week.

"Shut up and help me," I ordered, ignoring his mood and threw a short glance in his direction. "I admit this probably wasn't my best move but I've done worse."

"Yeah. I know."

I rolled my eyes at him. All right. If that son of a bitch wanted to pout, that was more than alright with me.

I didn't say any more. Apart from the sound of my knife and vampires hissing, no noises filled the room. I knew that Cas was internally dying to shout at me and I could feel his anger radiating off of him but I ignored it as best as I could. If we didn't talk about it, he'd eventually stop. At least that's what I thought.

After only a few minutes of silence, Cas exploded on me.

"Dean, we need to talk about this! We can't just pretend nothing happened!" he shouted but tried to keep it low. He turned to look at me, ignoring the vampire that was trying to bite his neck. I swung my knife once, hit, and turned back towards the vamps that attacked me.

"Cas, now is really not the time," I muttered, sweat starting to form on my forehead, both because of the physical activity of the fight and the fear of talking to Cas about what happened. "Can we talk about this later?"

"No, because as soon as we're out of here, you'll start ignoring me again, just like you've been doing the whole last week!" he said accusingly and I felt guilt clenching my stomach.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I mumbled.

"About what exactly? Ignoring me? Or _kissing_ me?" he asked, turning away, not glancing at me once, and I flinched at his words. The way he spit out that last sentence made me feel sick.

I didn't answer and instead concentrated on working my knife. The vampires were coming from seemingly everywhere and no matter how many of them we killed, there never seemed to be fewer of them.

When Cas realized, I wasn't going to say anything, he sighed in defeat and completely turned towards me. His blue eyes stared into my green ones for a second and I suddenly remembered vividly why I'd kissed him in the first place. I looked away quickly.

"Dean... Why did you kiss me?" he asked silently, his anger seemingly disappeared. For the moment.

"I don't know, man," I said honestly, keeping my eyes on the fight. "You just... You looked at me and..." I threw him a short glance, registering his expectant but slightly confused face, and realized that he probably wouldn't understand what I was trying to say. I stopped mid-sentence. "You know what, Cas? Never mind. It was a mistake and I apologize for it."

Cas didn't look away, but something in his eyes changed. He looked almost hurt. "Don't say that, please," he almost whispered and I had trouble hearing it at all. I frowned.

"Cas...?" I asked confusedly but was interrupted by a little girl biting into my wrist. I shook her off and took her out quickly.

"Dean... Please. I need to know why you did it," Cas uttered and stared at me almost pleadingly. I blinked in confusion but looking into his eyes I realized how important this was to him. So I nodded.

"I kissed you ... because I looked into your eyes and..." I glanced away. I wasn't able to look at him while saying the next words. "You just ... We've been through so much together, you and I, and there you were, standing right in front of me after all this time, looking so ... _goddamn_ beautiful, and I couldn't help but realize that what I wanted to do more than anything in that moment - what I've wanted to do so many times already, to be honest - was to kiss you. So I did."

I swung my knife a few more times, chopping off a few heads in frustration while avoiding Cas's eyes as best as I could. I felt him staring at me in silence and my heartbeat sped up rapidly when he didn't reply at all. This had been a mistake. I should've never told him.

"Listen, Cas, I'm sorry about what I did and I don't want you to think that-"

"Dean," I was interrupted. "Look at me."

I gulped and turned my head slowly to catch his eye. What I saw made my heart nearly stop. He was smiling at me, as genuinely as I'd ever seen him smile, and I opened my mouth slightly. No words came out. Cas looked even more perfect than before.

"Don't apologize," he said and, ignoring any vampires that threw themselves into his way, slowly walked over to me. I was still staring into his eyes, my knife and the stupid vampires forgotten. His eyes were too intoxicating, just like they were the day I'd kissed him.

I wanted to do it again.

Cas came to a stop right in front of me. He was still smiling, looking content for whatever reason, and pulled me a little closer, so our faces were only a few inches apart. I wanted to kiss the brains out of him in that very moment but I didn't dare to move one bit. Instead, I listened to Cas's soothing voice and let my eyes stare at his lips longingly.

"You know, Dean..." he started and tugged on my shirt lightly. "When Dad sent me to rescue you from hell, I didn't expect you to be so ... gorgeous. The only job I had was to get you out of hell, I was never supposed to spend that much more time with you. But, as you might've realized, I was never able to stay away for long," Cas explained and my eyes widened. Was he really saying what I thought he was?

"My feelings... They, uh ... they grew over time. I mean, they were there from the beginning, really, but the longer I knew you the more I wanted to be with you forever -- and _my_ forever is a lot longer than yours... But I knew you wouldn't want me to make a move. To be honest, you didn't seem to be that fond of me most of the time. I thought that if I kissed you, I'd ruin everything. So I decided that being 'family' was better than nothing."

I couldn't believe it. Cas had liked me from the very day we met? And he never kissed me because he thought I didn't like him that way? So... all the eye sex I'd thought we'd had ... actually _had been_ eye sex?? This had to be the best and worst day of my life.

The best because -well, it was kinda obvious- Cas was confessing his feelings to me in the middle of a freaking vampire nest (which, by the way, really didn't bother us anymore).

And the worst because I realized that Cas and I could've been together for _years_ and I was too stupid to see that he was feeling the same. I had to be the dumbest person in a hundred mile radius -- and I was surrounded by brainless vampires.

"I came every time you called and I was happy to help you in any way I could, but something was always missing. I don't know what it was but it was like... like a hole in my heart." He stopped, gulping at the memory and my heart bled for him. If I had known, this could've been so much easier. I felt like slapping myself repeatedly.

"Anyway. When you finally kissed me last week, I was so, _so_ glad. I don't know what made you kiss me but it was all I've ever wanted since I met you and it was perfect. Even better than I imagined. And I even started hoping that we could be together now. Really together. But then you decided to ignore me." He looked at me, no expression on his face, and it felt worse than if he had been angry. "I know that I could've come to see you whenever I wanted but I didn't want to bother you just yet. I wanted to give you time to think. Also, you didn't pray to me at all that week, so I felt like I'd be invading your personal space if I just showed up. It ... it hurt, Dean. It was a really hard week in general, to be honest."

My gaze dropped to my feet. I was such an asshole, such a fucking idiot. Just because I was too scared to face him, I hadn't thought about what he might've believed my weird reaction to mean.

I gulped uncomfortably. My throat was dry and I noticed unshed tears in my eyes that I blinked away quickly. I was not gonna cry in front of Cas because I just realized I'd been an idiot. I wouldn't.

So I sucked it up and gulped again to give Cas the honest response he deserved so badly.

"Cas. I..." and that was all I was able to get out. It was pitiful; no, more than that. It was pathetic.

I tried again, my eyes hardening with purpose. "I'm bad with words, Cas," I finally managed to say. "I'm a pathetic son of a bitch, who's emotionally constipated and doesn't deserve even the tiniest bit of your love. I know that. And you know that as well. You've _always_ known. And yet, you just don't seem to get tired of me--"

I sucked in a shuddering breath. My voice was breaking and I needed to get it under control because if I didn't tell Cas what I felt and just let him leave, I'd _never_ forgive myself.

"Cas, you're just... you're way too good for me. That's why I haven't prayed to you. I didn't want you to be with someone who's not worth your time... Thoughts like these have been following me since the moment I kissed you, making it simply _impossible_ to let me talk to you, do you understand? I just couldn't -- physically -- talk to you..."

I suddenly felt Cas's comforting hand on my shoulder, squeezing it slightly, and I blinked away new tears threatening to spill. Just a few more sentences and I'd be done.

"Truth is, Cas... I love you. I fucking _love_ you." I paused. "Do you even know how many people I've ever genuinely loved, besides family? How many persons I've loved the way I love you?"

I was looking straight into his eyes now, withholding the urge to back away and hide. I'd already gotten this far.

"None, Cas. There's _no one_."

And as soon as I'd finished that last word, there were hands grabbing my face and lips smashing against mine in the blink of an eye, making my mind go blank with surprise. Cas kissed me like his life depended on it and when he let go for a second, it was only to suck in a short breath and then he was back to kissing me. I was in heaven.

"Dean," Cas eventually said when he stopped kissing me. His eyes were still closed and his lips hovered above mine, making me go almost crazy in anticipation. "You're never not enough for me, Dean. I rescued you from hell because you _deserved_ it. You deserve the world, Dean, the world and nothing less..."


End file.
